Asbel is a Littler Bitch
by trollven2
Summary: Driven mad by his newfound power, Richard dominates Asbel - but he's not the only one with designs on the knight's butthole. Who could this mysterious challenger be...?


_**Tales of Graces**_**: Asbel is a littler bitch**

I'M BACK, BITCHES!

Trollven returns with a new account because he totally forgot my original password and lost the old email address because he is a whazzock and HGGRRNNNNN! talking in the third person gives me SUCH A HARD-ON HGGGNNNN! YEAH!

Speaking of hard-ons, yaoi. You bitches eat this shit up. It's like watching Flynn go OMNOMNOMNOM on Yuri's Brave Vesperia, if you know what I mean. ;D (HIS COCK) However, since we've milked that yaoi pairing dry (butt Flynn certainly hasn't IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN ;D) we're going to move onto another one, this time from Tales of Gayness. Tales of Gay Princes. Tales of Buttsex. MOTHERFUCKING SPELLCHECK

So yeah. Enjoy, darlings. Hope this makes you spill out some fiery torrents of girlspunk. Literally, I want to see you light your vaginas on fire before you start jilling yourselves off to Asbel getting his asspounded by not one but TWO men. Oh my~ is it getting warm in here? Is it your fiery vaginas? No? THEN REACH FOR THE MATCHES

Anyway, onto the sex!

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...

**SHIT**

**PLOTS**

(Bada-daaaa, da-da-da-daaaaaa-da, da-da-da-daaaaaa-da, da-da-da-daaaaaaaaah~!)

It is a dark time for the Namco Tales Studio.

A series that was once about morally grey antagonists trying to save the world through questionable means became an absofuckinglute nightmarish mess of animu cliches and yaoi subtext when _Tales of Vesperia_ was released.

But there was hope. Everyone who ever loved this series began to pin their hopes on _Tales of Grace_-(diskscratch)hahaha… Hahahahahaha! HAAAAHAHAHAHAHA! HAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

No, really, they didn't - because THE "F" IN THE TITLE STANDS FOR FRIENDSHIP HAVE WE MADE THAT CLEAR THIS STORY IS ABOUT THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP AND THE BONDS OF FRIENDSHIP BETWEEN PEOPLE WHO ARE FRIENDS HAVE WE MADE THAT CLEAR YET BECAUSE WE WOULDN'T WANT YOU TO FORGET HOW IMPORTANT FRIENDSHIP IS NOW LET'S TALK ABOUT THE LINEAGE AND WHATTHEFUCK ARC.

Cheria: MARRIAAAGEE!

Sophie: You will all die but I will live on, enduring the aeons; a cold, emotionless shell that imitates human life. As your mortal existences come to an end, I shall be forced into an eternity of loneliness - watching friend after friend perish. My torment will only end at the Heat Death of the universe, by which time I will have become a quivering, insane wreck who has shut down her own psyche in order to avoid enduring the horrors of watching every last person she has ever cared about shuffle slowly and painfully off their mortal coil.

BITCHIN'! NOW LET'S GET TO THE SEX!

*Imagine a scene-change so gay it's like flowers are being turned into the shape of a drill and rammed through your arse, out your mouth, and then into your brain to flood it with the _My Little Pony_ theme - which I'd just like to take the time to say, "FUCK THE PONIES." Literally. Don't think I haven't seen you sick Deviantart fucks and your furry porn. You wankers are messed up - and THIS is coming from a guy who routinely faps to the death of Aeris*.

*(I don't actually - but, on subject of the flower girl, fuck _Kingdom Hearts_' alternate spellings. And, while we're at it, _**FUCK **_**KINGDOM HEARTS**_** AS WELL!**_)

Our story takes place in a town that looks like that big hub city every other game takes place on. What was it called again? The Town of Bitches and Bad Hair? Lhant! Well, anyway. Lambda is inside Asbel. No, I don't mean metaphorically. I mean we cut immediately to Asbel's room where an eldritch abomination made of purple spikes who looks like what you'd get if Miktran Excessive violated a porcupine and made the poor rape-born bastard listen to J-Rock until it eyes bled inside him.

Actually, wait. No, that's not sexy. The first rule of anime is that the only gheys are teh bishiewishiewunsz10101s! So, while the image of Asbel impaled on Lambda's spiky eldritch cock amuses me, let's change the score. Let's make it Lambda!Richard. FUCK continuity and the ending and all of that fusion dance bullshit - _**THIS IS TALES OF GAYCES! **_There's only **ONE** language spoken here and it's the language of hardcore homofucking! Because FUCK EVERYTHING WITH A VAGINA! If Namco wanted women to feel empowered by this game, they wouldn't have written Cheria's stupid retarded kidnapping subplot.

Asbel is pinned down in his bed by Richard, who's using his weirdwingtentaclethings to keep Asbel held down as he gently caresses his cock through his trousers.

'Don't be shy, Asbel,' Richard purrs. 'I just want to fuck you.'

'B-But Richard,' says Asbel, sounding like the uke that he is. Seriously, Bryce Papenbrook did an amazing job transforming a character who kinda might sound like he'll grow up to be a badass into a character who sounds like he can't go two minutes without blowing a hulking great bear. Coincidentally, does Malik's character design scream "bara" to anyone else, or is that just me?

'Cheria will be home any minute!' Asbel continued to bleat.

'She can watch if she wants,' Richard probes Asbel's ear with his tongue as he finishes wrestling with the lord's belt buckle. 'Hmm… No smallclothes, Asbel? You dirty boy. You're not making it easier for me to fuck you, are you?'

'C-Cheria… Doesn't like… it when I wear underwear,' Asbel tried to wriggle out of his situation.

'Oh yeah?' Richard hissed at the mere mention of his rival's name. 'Why, does she want easy to access to you, hm? At the end of every day, does she just want to slide under your desk, rip your trousers down and suck you off?'

'R-Richard…!' Asbel whined as the possessed prince wrapped a stygian hand around his chicken and began to choke the shit out of it. Richard then kicked Asbel to the ground without warning (because, really, don't _you_ normally warn someone when you're kicking them to the ground?) and made those weird… black… tentacle-willies all grab Asbel and shred whatever clothes he had left.

'That's my name,' Richard proudly proclaimed while reaching into all that weird dark stygian shit that was all over his front and pulling out a colossal twelve-inch penis from the shadowy mass. 'Don't wear it out - like what I'm going to do to your mouth.'

Richard proceeded to slap Asbel's cheek with his pulsating penis of pleasure. This action caused some little numbers to float out above the impact and Asbel to groan. The numbers were "69", in case you were wondering. Amused, Richard slapped him again. This time the numbers read "42". He slapped him again and then he said, 'How high can we get, Asbel? Higher than that tiny shrimpdick of yours, I wager.'

And it was true. Asbel had the tiniest dick Richard had ever seen. And Richard had seen a lot. For, you see, Richard loved cock. He loved big ones, he loved small ones, he loved white ones, he loved red ones, he loved black ones. It didn't matter to Richard. He loved cock. He always had it for breakfast, mostly because those avian sons of bitches never shut the fuck up on a morning. Seriously, Richard thinks he's trying to get some sleep on a morning but OOOH NO. In marches the farmer's cock and proudly proclaims, "COCKADOODLEDO!" - Causing Richard to fall out of bed and say, 'I'm gonna eat that fucking bird!' And he did.

What's that? Oh, you thought Richard loved penis? Well, he does. They don't call him the prettiest little princess in Windor for nothing, you know (they call him that because he enjoyed dressing up as a girl and getting pounded like a virgin on her wedding night from all the buffets men in the kingdom). However, Lambda's possession was having an… interesting effect on Richard: making him more dominant, more aggressive, more seme-ish, more likely to knock up Asbel's face. Or at least knock it about.

'How on earth do you please Cheria with that tiny little prick?' Richard tortured his friend, grinding a foot into Asbel's two-centimetre penis.

'**HE DOESN'T!**' Came a loud, booming voice. '**I DO!**'

!HERE COMES A NEW CHALLENGER (this music is appropriate: watch?v=21BahXjqrFI)!

Immediately, Richard and Asbel turned around to see, wearing nothing but a life-jacket, a purple thong, and a… weird… hat that's like a swimhat but with a propellor on it. Somehow. What the fuck, Japan? Well, anyway, IT WAS CAPTAIN MALIK, BITCHES.

'Captain Malik?!' Both bishies replied, since this is _Tales of Disgraces_ and every character must reiterate information that a braindead chipmunk could have figured out five minutes before it happened incessantly.

'**YES, BITCHES.**' Malik proclaimed. '**I AM CAPTAIN MALIK!**'

'You mean _you're _Captain Malik?' Asbel wondered. '_The _Captain Malik?'

**'NOT THE SHARPEST SWORD IN THE ARMOURY, ARE YOU ASBEL?**' The Captain rolled his eyes.

At this point, you may be wondering **WHY MALIK TALKS LIKE THIS**. Well, the answer is simple: bold capitals are the only accurate way to represent the sheer manliness of **JAMIESON PRICE'S VOICE**.

'**I AM THE ONE PLEASURING CHERIA, DAY IN, DAY OUT!**' Malik boasted. '**LET'S JUST SAY THAT SHE PLAYS THE ETERNAL SERENADE… ON MY COCK.**'

'Huh,' Asbel blinked. 'I don't get it.'

'**MY BEST COURSE OF ACTION WAS THROUGH THE BUTT,**' Malik winked.

'I'm still pretty clueless,' Asbel shrugged his shoulders.

'THEN THIS SHOULD SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU!' Richard barked, finally reaching his limit with Asbel's idiot hero bullshit and ramming his cock down Asbel's throat.

'**RICHARD, NO!**' Malik warned. '**YOU'LL CHOKE HIM!**'

'Do you care?' Richard glared, grabbing a fistful of Asbel's hair and forcing him further down along his veiny black appendage.

'**… NO, NOT REALLY,**' Malik admitted. Without him having to do anything, his clothes burst into flame and fell off his body and he, of course, remained unscathed. Because it was Malik Caesar(s). He can walk through fire without getting hurt. The floor, however, can't and, as Malik did a **BLISTERING WALTZ **(literally, he was doing a waltz that involved spreading fire everywhere he stepped and [in]appropriate thrusts of his seven-inch semi-erect penis.

'I expected more from the Captain of the Knights,' Richard said - eying the older man's willy with a proudfull eye.

'I'm a grower, not a shower,' Malik said as he danced behind Richard, grabbed a handful of tight bishounen ass and pulled the prince in for a tongue-tastic snog.

'ERMAGOHH' Asbel grunted through a mouthful of penis. 'THISSSESGAHHY'

'**NO SHIT,**' came Malik's voice.

'I'm sorry, he's an idiot,' Richard hissed.

'**NO, I MEAN, THERE'S NO SHIT,**' Malik said, stretching Asbel's tiny bishounen asshole with two of his fingers. '**THAT'S GOOD.**'

'How did you get over there?!' Richard demanded before feeling a sudden force push right through his cute little butt cheeks.

'**BITCH,**' Malik said, pinching Richard's nipples. '**I'M MALIK CAESAR. I CAN BE EVERYWHERE AT ONCE.**'

'You mean like Jesus?' Richard asked.

'**NO.**' Malik said, somehow appearing in two places at once. On one side of the room, he was firmly inside Richard. On the other, he was fingering Asbel's butt. '**JESUS WORKED MIRACLES. I JUST WORK PRETTYBOY ASSHOLES.**'

'And girl-butts…!' Richard panted as Malik's fingers did their dirty, dirty work on his nip… waait. You. You, right there. Yes, you. You're getting some kind of sick, perverted thrill out of this whole scenario, aren't you? Don't think I don't see you with your hand stuffed into your panties, caressing your folds with ever-increasing speed, slipping a finger inside yourself and probing around your core until your make yourself come. Ugh… I can't believe you people. You… You think this is sexy?

OF FUCKING COURSE YOU DO - IT'S PORN!

'**NO, CHERIA ISN'T JUST ANY OLD "GIRL" NOW.**' Malik said. '**SHE HAS A PENIS AS WELL.**' Malik said.

'Since when?!' Richard asked, crushing Asbel's head further down until he could finally fit all of his massive cock down his throat.

'**SINCE I SPUNKED IN HER!**' The second Malik smashed all fifteen inches of his dick inside Asbel with a mighty thud. The sudden pressure of invading the uketacular younger knight caused the boy's ass-muscles to clamp down hard: releasing torrent upon torrent of manjizz from Malik's four mighty testicles deep into the bishieboy's butthole. These sudden spasms also ripped throughout the rest of Asbel's body, causing his tongue to involuntarily lash alone Richard's penis - resulting in the prince flooding the boy's mouth with red, blue, and green squirts of glittering cum. Because, even in the heights of sexual orgasm, Richard is _F~A~B~U~L~O~U~S~!_

Asbel, meanwhile, had collapsed on the floor as a side-effect of having too much spunk flood his system.

'Wellllllllll shiiiiiiiit,' Richard commented. 'I think we killed him.'

'**NAH, CHECK THIS ACTION!**' The Malik who was still inside Richard proclaimed. In that moment, a third Malik appeared to kick Asbel right in the balls. This suddenly woke Asbel from unconsciousness.

'Sweeettttttt…!' Richard commented as he took hold of Asbel's head once more to make him deep-throat his mighty toddler.

'**HOLD ON!**' Malik (the one who was fucking Richard's ass) said. '**JUST LET ME… HHGGGNNNNNNNNNNNN!**'

Malik's eyes widened suddenly and he released a powerful torrent of cum inside the depths of Richard's ass. Unlike Asbel, who was tight and virginal, Richard's rampant mansluttery meant that he could take the copious amounts of dick and manjuice being forced into him by the rampaging Captain. This caused Richard to become light-headed and, after he finished pulling himself away from Malik's impressive tool of impalement, found that he had to lie down somewhere. On Asbel seemed like a good idea.

'**GOODNIGHT, SWEET PRINCE,**' Malik said, as the shadows suddenly fell upon the room: what little light remaining illuminating only his face. '**MUAHAHAHAHAHA… AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA… AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**' (Malik's evil laughter was punctuated by lightning strikes in the background. As the lightning shook the room, the shadows cast by the other two Maliks momentarily appeared to those of a small eighteen year-old in a stupid dress and a geeky girl with oddly-coloured hair…)

The darkness lifted gradually. Asbel raised his sore head to the skies and said aloud, 'Richard… Oh, Richard, I had the weirdest dream. I dreamt that you were all tentacled and stuff and… and the Captain was there and he was-'

'**I'M STILL HERE.**'

Asbel turned around slowly. There, standing right in front of him, was the Captain: muscles glistening in the moonlight, whirling swimcap thingy whirling, cock gradually standing to erection… and, as a stray thunderbolt struck the background, Asbel could see Malik's shadow. It looked exactly like that of Richard.

Using all of his lungpower, Asbel cried out into the night a defining roar of, 'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!'

To which Malik replied, '**YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSS! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHA!'**

And then he fucked him because, really, what else did you expect?

Author's Note:

You may be wondering why, if Malik's spunk transforms people into other Maliks in a virus kind of way, Asbel wasn't affected.

The answer is, "Come up with an answer yourelf and the best one will be canonised, next time on _X Tales Character is a Little(?) Bitch!_


End file.
